Are YOU a groupie?

chill...chill..no sexual innuendos to the title okay. steer away from that thought for awhile..

I was flipping through my secondary school annual books that day and i reminisced about how much fun AND sufferings i went through back in my alma mater, Cedar Girl's Secondary School. that's right. i was a from an all girls school. no surprise where i developed my feminist streak. You know, back in the days, we had so much pride in our school. there's so much unity amongst us and definitely, a generous amount of attitude shown to our neighbouring schools. we always had that strong sense of belonging to Cedar and would always be defensive when others spoke ill of us. there's even this unwritten rule of how you should wear your school uniform.but of course, it is NOT like how they told us to, in the student handbook.

How to look good in the infamous blue and grey

1. always buy your blouses at least 2 sizes bigger. means if you're a 38, 40 would be nice.
2. ALWAYS wear your tie no matter how merciless the sun may get. and to not tighten it so much. let it hang a little loose. but not too loose such that you look sloppy.
3. your skirt should be a little tight to show some curves, but not too tight that it may create an impression of promiscuity on adults.
4. the ratio of your skirt lenght to your blouse lenght should be 1 : 3.
5. always always tuck in your blouse BUT get as much of your humungous blouse out. (rmb the ratio)
6. when exiting school, ALWAYS take out your nametag BUT NOT your school badge. (yes, our identity reinforced despite the infamous blue blouse and grey skirts)
7. and your socks should always be ankle socks. usually we will wear normal socks in school and then magically transform it into ankle socks later in the day. OR the more rebellious ones will just come in ankle socks and suffer the consequences when caught by disciplinarians.

but well, not everyone will adhere to this unwritten rule. its not a rule, more of a guide. some will adhere to parts of it. like for me, having conservative parents, the 1/3 skirt rule..was frowned upon. so yes, i was THAT girl with the knee lenght skirt. not really a fun thing espescially when your teachers start using you as a role model of how your skirt lenght should be. grr.

One other groupie that will always have a place in my heart would be my NPCC groupmates. yes yes. i was from a uniform group. one that was physically torturous, mentally exhausting, and delightfully pleasant. like Cedar as a whole, we too had strong pride in our squad. we had an identity. HERMES. our name was of a greek god. NOT the fashion label. excuseee me.

we were closest to one another throughout 4 years in Cedar. we eat together, study together,had outings together, tortured together, fought together, did stupid things together. we saw everyone's sweat, tears,smile, blood in all 18 of us. we would think alike, fill in each other's sentences, comfort each other in times of sadness, cheer in loud unity. everything there is to do as a group, we did. we were exactly as how COM101 put us to be, " a collection of individuals who developed interdependancy, shared patterns of behaviour and a collective identity due to prolonged interaction with one another" wicked way to slip in a definition aye? haha.

but like all REALLY close-knitted groups, we developed what they call, the GROUPTHINK symptoms. due to the fact that we were so united espescially when we were in our cadet days, we always thought that we were the best. although it may not be the truth in many different factors. but this belief was what gave us strenght and optimism. we shared stereotypes. the ins and outs of npcc. we'd constantly look at other units of our batch and compare them to us. slightly sniggering most of the time. can't blame us. because when you're in a group, everyone else falls below you. its not a matter of individual arrogance, but more of an inculcated belief. like i said, we had that disease...GROUPTHINK. whenever faced with a problem, we would sit down and rationalise together. majority always wins. and the minorities won't really voice their unhappiness when the votes are in. its like there's this acceptance of everything in the way we work.

although, there will be a time when internal tension arrives and thats where we have to combat this GROUPTHINK symptoms. we'd usually have a "thrashing out" session where everyone is of equal status. no leader, no follower. everyone will voice out their opinions, disagreements, grudges and attempt to make peace with everyone. everyone would be the Devil's advocate at some point of the session, giving multi-sided opinions and alternative ideas to every problems raised, like the cashier des doleances a.k.a list of grievances of the french revolution.

ahh, the nostalgia.. groups are what makes you feel this sense of belonging. it could be a temporary group, maybe one that last for a month? or a group that withstand the trials of time. either way, they allow people to feel acceptance, the need to be included, the need to sometimes control, the need for affection. just as how William Schutz have intelligently put it. and when a group does not meet these interpersonal needs of an individual, most likely they will change groups until the groups are deemed satisfactory to them.

in my humble opinion, everyone admittedly or not, desire to be in a group (even those who declared to be a non-conformist). it is some sort of an escape of the reality of life whereby everything is ABOUT YOU and you alone. how you manage your time, how you deal with your problems, how you want your future to be, how when you die, you bring nothing but yourself to your grave. it is but of course, just my two cents.

what about you? what are your thoughts about being in a group? needed? or complete exxageration and soooo over-rated?

FUN FACTS:

Bananas relief menstrual cramps. (sorry guys, none to relief PMS)

Ever thought of living your life sdrawkcab?

The Curious Case of Benjamin Button

(spoiler alert)

If you were given a choice, would you want to live your life backwards? Being old and helpless when you're young, and thrive while you are in your 40s or 50s? It gives a new meaning to 'life starts at 40" indeed.

Watching this movie triggered the romantic person in me (afterall, i was that girl who listed an embarrasing list of "what i want on my first date" in COMMs class) . Totally reinforces my believes that True love exists but not without sacrifies. many many sacrifices. (very apt too, considering that i'm typing this on 14th feb..hahaha. im so loserfied to be at home, doing assignment on Vday. oh well)This movie brought me down to tears seeing the hardship one has to go through in an attempt of having the love of their life. But of course, like all tear inducing movies, they must have some tragedy involved. and that would be, for the lead actor to be born with a disease that reverses his physical appearance. he is born old and grows younger. oh..an he is none other than Brad Pitt (cue for LOUD SCREAMS AHHH!). okay, minus the fact that he totally cheated on my fave actress jennifer anniston and now having a collection of kids around the world with that particular someone who has humungous lips that makes aspiring wannabes go for botox. urgh.

oh, digression is indeed a skill.

Anyway, Benjamin who was born with this disease, was abandoned by his father who got disgusted over his appearances BUT not before he made a promise to his dying wife to "find him a good place". whatever that means. i guess they already intended to not keep the child. or maybe, after giving birth, then the mother decided on that. oh well. So the father dramatically took the child and RAN RAN RAN till he found a house to which he left the baby. that house happen to be a place for the old folk. (very apt for that baby to grow up). he was taken care of by the caretaker of the old folk's home who decided that as ugly as he look (the doctor actually called him an IT! and CREATURE some more!) he is still God's creation and should not be abandoned that way. so what can be learnt people? that LOOKS play an important part of how people perceive you. not many people are as kind and pure as the caretaker. and in this case, when you're a baby and have no abilities to communicate to people or defend your existence, looks is the only thing you have.

so, as he grew younger and bigger, he met a young girl Daisy. (cue for romantic violin song) and at this point, it was rather disturbing for me. it was. reaally. because the girl looked as if she fell in love at first sight. and not knowing that Benjamin is her age with a disease. so at first, its like, a young girl falling for an old man. a really old man. *grabs bucket to vomit* but later on, in the scene where they were under the bed, (woahh, hold on your thoughts okay, it was UNDER not ON the bed. and it was an innocent child like thing) Daisy explained that she could see through him. that he's not as old as he looks and that she thinks he is sick. which is SHOCKINGLY accurate. think think think. a seven year old girl, having the ability to know something about someone without anyone telling her. i think the producers and directors being a bit too kind. like it was soo easy to find someone who understands you. and only from a couple of meetings. tsk. (dont let my pessimist side fool u into thinking that i didnt like the movie, i did..). So anyway, the scene after that was sad and funny. because Daisy's motheer caught them under the bed and started scolding daisy. she also turned to look at Benjamin and said, "you should be ashamed of yourself!" now that's sad. coz being a 7 year old kid in a 70 year old body must have confused him. and from here, we understand that people's perception differ if they dont know sumthing. Like in the case of Daisy's mom, she must have thought that Benjamin was a chi ko pek (pervert) who preys on young girls, not knowing that Benjamin is the same age as her daughter. but still, the innocent romance that was innitiated by the girl still lingers. (I PROTEST! guys should innitiate!)

He found a job as a seaman and the story kind of goes back and forth. with him moving away and coming back. and each time, you'd be able to see how different he and Daisy looks, and at which point of their life they were at. i guess the intensifying stage between the two would be that when, Benjamin realises that he wants to pursue Daisy but Daisy was already on her own track to her own dreams (ding! ding! ding! differences of priorities leading to conflict) to be a successful dancer. BUT, tragedy hits once again, (im nt telling you what because how it was narrated to the audience was THE most creative way one could ever explain. so go watch it) and Daisy couldnt dance anymore. She went back to the same home where Benjamin and her first met, and the romance between the two got intergrated and finally went on couple status. they bought a house, had fun and had a baby. everything was going fine, until, Benjamin got scared of the future. how the baby might need a father, and with him growing younger each day, he didnt want to be a playmate to his daughter. It was a painful departure the day he left his family and went on a world exploration trip. (i guess he did live a fulfilling life).

The ending was a bitter sweet moment (not to mention, the part where i almost bawled my eyes out) and something that i would not spoil for those who plan on watching it. i mean, by now, i'd have spoiled 1/3 of the show. but oh well, something that you have to experience for yourself. a true love story. one with rollercoaster of emotions. there's humour, suspense, romance, heartbreaks, excitement. a true depiction of life whether or not you were born with that disease. it was just a different perspective of life. and interesting thought of how life would be, reversed.

so, for those who have watched it, comment on your fave parts!. for those who didnt, comment anyways..anything you agree or disagree with whatever i've written. thank you!

FUN FACT!

The origin of the English word “orgasm” derives from the Greek, “orgaein,” meaning “to swell” or “be excited or lustful."

YouTube - Chick vs. Dick: EP29 - The Persuasion Challenge

Paralinguistic skills and Body Language= effective communication?

So, this week in class, we talked about non-verbal skills as well as verbal non-verbal cues. that is also known as paralinguistic skills. and since I had already written on body language (which I dearly regret since I would have been able to write a little more on this entry instead) I would like to share this interesting mode of communication. As we know, (or at least as the COMM students know) paralinguistic skills is the study of verbal non-verbal cues which focuses on the quality of voice ie. tone, pitch, volume. Vocalics, which is communication via the sound other than the words, Non-fluencies- filled pauses and silence.

I was fortunate enough to stumble over this video while trying to de-stress myself from thinking of what to blog about this week, in the ever infamous blog space, http://www.xiaxue.blogspot.com/. yes. I'm sure many have heard of her or even became avid readers of her very honest opinions and thoughts on everyday issues. I could almost hear a LOUD RINGING sound when i watched this video and decided that this should be my topic for this week.

So, in this video, KayKay (guys, don't start denying you don't know her okay...FHM ring a bell?) and Paul (-nods- yes, the emo guy from Singapore idol) are competing at being the better persuader. It is indeed interesting to compare their approaches as they are not able to direct a person to do what they want by instructing them. instead they have to be creative in their body language, or manipulation of words to get the idea across to the unsuspecting passerby.

I would say that in general, Paul has better persuasive skills compared to Kay Kay. In my humble opinion, a pretty young girl, would obviously have upperhand in persuasions compared to a guy. (and a not so attractive guy at that). Notice how KayKay whines a lot? Her pitch gets a lot higher when she's attempting to ask for a favour. and that most of the favours she asked from are guys! clever indeed. sexual attraction can create favourable answers. KayKay relies most of her persuasive skills by appearing helpless, and submissive. bringing it back to body language, notice her posture, stance and movement when she asks for favours. she's always slightly hunching, making herself appear smaller than she is, touching her neck, probably using a little of flirtation skills and also, she's constantly smiling which is well, requires no explanation when you want to ask for favours. As for voice power, her high pitched voice made her seem like a little helpless girl. Looking at when she wanted an ice-cream from an old man, she constantly whines and says,"i dont like to share" and proceeded to pout her lips a bit making the old man feel like he needed to buy her an ice cream to appease the inner child within her. that was one way how body language, as well as paralinguistic skills is an effective way of communication!

Coming to a more interesting point, was how Paul dealt with the challenge. Being slightly less attractive than his competitor, he has to work alot harder. his first task was interesting as he needed to ask a guy to kiss him on the cheeks. His first score, was to get an ang-moh (okay..you all know the slang) to do this. why? simple. ang-moh guys are more open minded about such things as compared to conservative Singaporean!(culture plays a big difference in effective communication) Also, he used many "errrrm" to fill in the pauses, indicating that he is feeling rather awkward of the situation or unwilling to proceed with the challenge. you can see the non-fluencies on the ang-moh side as well. when Paul asked him "how open are you" and he replied "errrrrrrrr, it depends". indicating that he is scared of the consequences if he answers truthfully. THEREFORE, when you are trying to convince someone, try to not have so many non-fluencies in your speech. having many errrm and ahhhh creates an impression of lack of confidence or knowledge, making you appear less credible. Paul also used body language to hint on the idea of kissing by pouting his lips. this can be seen clearly when the ang-moh said "oh yea? you want a kiss? i had that impression". see how body language is vital to sending your idea across?

Apart from that, you can't always believe the videos to show you GENUINE reaction from the public on the persuasive skills of these two celebrity. because environment also affects communication (remember people?). Them being aware that it is recorded and that they would be on a website for millions of viewers,of course, tendencies of them to be more sociable, nice, and open minded to some of their crazy ideas would be more likely. i mean, in a REAL situation, with no cameras and no celebrities, would you entertain them? highly likely, NO. good example would be people who pester you to do surveys along Orchard road. tsk tsk. they're a bunch of people i'd recommend a class on persuasion.

i tend to favour body language rather than paralinguistic skills. but it does not mean that paralinguistic aren't useful at all. In negotiations, voice and the words you use also play an important role. just like body language, sounds create impressions. supposing you say "you are not fat!" in an angry tone of voice, very serious, and saying out each word sharply and fast paced. what would the impact of the speech be? compared to saying, "you are sooooooooooo not FFFat..hahahaha". how would the difference in voice tones, pace and other sounds (ie laughter) affect the meaning of your speech?

So people, the next time you ask for a favour,take not of your phrasing, your tones, your fluency as well as your body language to achieve that desired effect!

FACT OF THE DAY:
Seven out of ten people cross their left arm over their right arms. =)